Post-Coital IBS Abandonment

This past December I experienced a very painful break-up that has taken me on quite the emotional
roller coaster these past eight months. About four months ago, I decided to try my luck at online dating. I figured, almost every single person I know is doing this right now, and even those who are recently "taken" dabbled a bit prior to settling down with their current special someone. Not knowing what site to subscribe to, I did some preliminary research and decided on OK Cupid--a free site with no religious affiliation. Besides, it has a pretty cool interface in comparison to some of the other free sites I explored.

I went on quite a few dates with different potential suitors but most courtships ended after the first or second date as these men just couldn't hold my attention. About two and a half months ago, I met a guy (let's call him Frank), who I instantly took a liking to. He was sweet, silly,  had a lot to say, funny, and was very cute in a boyish kind of way. At this point, I was pretty impressed by him as none of the other men I had met possessed all these qualities. In fact, Frank did this thing where he would actually look me in the eyes while I was talking. Amazing! No awkward evasive eye contact. I thought to myself, "What a winner!"

At the end of our third date and a few cocktails in, I decided it was time to invite him home with me for the night. He gladly accepted this invitation and attempted to hail down a cab quite enthusiastically. Our "intimate" evening began almost instantly upon arriving at my apartment. However, there were a few "breaks" requested by Frank early on as there were a few incidents in which his excitement led to premature consequences. Overall, I'd say we enjoyed ourselves immensely and I fell into a deep sleep almost immediately.

At about 2 a.m. I woke up to an empty bed. I had rolled over to find myself straddling what I expected to be a body but turned out to be a lonely pillow. I looked at the clock and then looked at the floor. Frank's clothes were gone. I laid in bed for almost thirty minutes wondering why he had left and feeling completely insulted. This had never happened to me before. Why would he not wake me up? Did he tip-toe out the door? Why didn't I hear him leave? What went wrong?

After asking myself two dozen questions, I decided to get up to get a glass of water. When I walked into the kitchen, I noticed the bathroom light was on. "He must be in there," I thought to myself. "But...what's he doing in there? It's been 30 minutes!" I quickly filled my glass of water and returned to bed. I pretended to be fast asleep when he entered the room. When he sat on the edge of the bed to remove his clothes, I pretended to startle and awake in my sexiest groggy voice. "Is everything okay?"
 "I'm not feeling very well," he replied. "Can I get you anything?" I asked. "I'm fine. Just need to go back to sleep." With that, I was able to fall back asleep. I felt comfort in the fact that he hadn't left me.

That said, about two weeks later I found myself in a state of deja-vu.  We decided it would be fun to have another sleep-over after a night of live music and bar-hopping. This time, Frank seemed nervous to get started as though he anticipated a premature climax. We took it slow and with a few initial breaks, were able to have a pleasant experience. As I began to fall asleep, I felt Frank sneak out of bed yet again and heard the bedroom door close softly and carefully behind him. Five minutes passed. Ten minutes passed. About fifteen minutes later, he returned to bed with the look of discomfort on his face. At that exact moment, I remember thinking..."Perhaps this is a pattern. A very unattractive pattern."

So here's my theory: Irritable Bowel Syndrome! I think Frank has anxiety due to premature ejaculation and in turn, he cramps up with nervousness prior to having sex causing him to have irritable bowels. It's a lose-lose-lose situation! He loses because he has this condition with premature ejaculation. Then, he loses yet again because his anxiety prior to having sex causes lasting after-sex effects (IBS). Finally, I lose because between the pre-sex pep-talk and the after-sex thoughts about his bathroom business, I'm turned off. Completely turned off.